Hi, and warm welcome to all my lovely friends and family and readers,
In my last blog post, I introduced you to the real Christina, my hilarious colleague and true to life character in my second book ‘Comings and Goings’ (I’m referring of course, to the inimitable but efficient receptionist at the Hopkins Partnership). Just as I promised in that last post, I’m going to be posting from time to time about Christina and revealing some of her ‘isms’, more about her character and some of the amusing incidents in our office.
About eighteen months ago, or maybe longer than that, we had a series of issues with the printer/photocopier/fax machine which is situated in mine and Christina’s office. Three or four different engineers had been sent out over the course of two or three weeks, and although the machine worked well for a couple of days, the same problems kept occurring. It was such a bloody inconvenience to Christina and I, being the only two members of a very busy ‘accounts team’ with a huge volume of copying and printing essential each day! We needed our machine working efficiently again as month end was rapidly approaching. Mid-afternoon, after experiencing yet another frustrating day with the cursed piece of equipment, Christina called the leasing company demanding an urgent service call. “An engineer will be out to you first thing in the morning” she was promised.
The next morning at a few minutes past nine, Christina’s phone rang. Apparently, it was reception calling.
“Yes, I did” said Christina “Okay! Send him up.” She replaced the phone in its cradle and looked across at me.
“He’s here! I wonder which of the delightful fucking bunch we’ve got today! One of the two old farts I’ll bet.”
Sniggering back, I offered, “No! I’ll bet it’s the big, fat, sweaty guy with the long, grey ponytail!”
We both guffawed with laughter. but only briefly. The office door opened, stopping us both dead in our tracks, eyes wide open and our mouths agape. The guy who stood before us had never been out to our company before. He was fucking gorgeous…and boy, did he know it! Christina (quickly recovered from the vision) explained to him the problems the machine had been giving us and (trying to stop herself from drooling) offered him a coffee.
Five minutes later, the engineer casually sipped at his coffee and proceeded to indulge in some idle chit chat with us. We were both gooey-eyed and, obviously used to female attention, he was basking in it. He evidently worked out…he had the lot, the biceps, the toned abs and pecs, and one of the tightest arses I have ever seen on a guy. Every time his back was turned, Christina and I would peer round our computer screens at each other, mouthing the word “Wow!”
The banter between us all continued for most of the morning, him, his job, his partner (damn it), his little girl; Christina, her husband and family; our jobs, you name it. Then right out of the blue, Christina piped up “Eva writes dirty books you know! They’re on Amazon.” He turned to me “Really? Wow!” The following ten to fifteen minutes were spent answering his questions about my writing. At some point I recall hearing a text come through on my mobile but, enjoying the conversation so much, I ignored it. After much laughter, he eventually turned back to the copier muttering “I’d best get this thing finished”. I turned towards my computer screen, added a couple of entries onto my spreadsheet, then suddenly, I remembered about the text ping and picked up my phone.
I touched the button and the screen came back to life, informing me ‘Christina sent you a message’. I gently tapped the notification to open up the message and stared at her four words in disbelief:-
“My vulva is twitching!”
I didn’t dare look at her, but I was aware of Christina looking expectantly in my direction. I didn’t dare laugh out loud, fearing that it would be my noisiest snort ever. Not knowing what else to do…I leaned forward over the desk, my forehead came into contact with it…three or four bangs, but not sufficiently hard to cause permanent damage. The engineer looked across at me curiously. I had a feeling that he suspected our behaviour had something to do with him. Christina at the point, made an extremely undignified exit, covering her mouth…holding it in!
Once the machine was fixed and the guy had left for his next call, Christina gave me a scolding.
“Oh my God! How long did it take? I thought you were never going to look at that fucking message!!”
Lots of love and hugs